It's been 5 years since I work in the ministry. So many events, so many problems, so many people passing by, fired and employed. Dunno… I've got mixed feelings about this.
5 years seem a great term. There were lots of shortcomings. I was upset due to lots of work, then due to change of chief… now due to both things. And it's not a secret that now I'm doing work that I really hate. It hasn't got a grain of creativeness. I hate this work and it's paying me back. Every day the chief of department cavils at my work… and even permits herself blaming me publicly. "Not quick", "not efficient"… I'm not a machine for goodness' sake. And such crazy rhythm is not suitable for my temperament. I've let them know about it as soon as I started working with those urgent papers. But no one heard me. It's been 4 months since I'm at that place and I still haven't got used to this work. Now what, should I feel guilty?..
I don't know for how long I'll stay here. This work is secure for sure and has lots of advantages in comparison with most of our organizations. But I feel unhappy here. I think I should repeat the course of that comforting herbal medicine. Every day I die of tiredness, of urgency of each damn paper (dunno even why, perhaps being too much responsible…), shudder with rage and cry inside coz of insults.
In March I'm going to have vacation and only this thought saves me from going completely mad. And I'm already searching for a new place. Coz I know that nothing will change to the better. And I have self-respect after all. So I'm not going to stay here.
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