Learning to Love

It's strange, but only today I'm learning to love.
New destiny has begun from the moment you came.
This new me
is measuring out life.
Understanding. And dreaming that everything will be okay.
It's crowded inside - so much I have got to write yet,
singing out this tenderness, saved deeply within!
I'm lacking words. But not lacking strength to wait,
and to say it all with my eyes, smile, all my essence,
emitting joy and hope, aspiration to be
a favouring wind and stars of eternal love.
This is true - today I'm just learning this, how to love.
I will learn, I will wait till the moment when you'll call me.

I will warm up your heart...

Wind is driving forth frowning clouds in the sky. 

That is life running randomly, haunting somebody’s thresholds,

Hitting itself on the walls, yearning in search of the way out. 

All the hardships and worries are just like a whirlpool. 

Wind is whistling, and night is rushing getting furious. 

No, it’s not fear, just some incomprehensible grief. 

Heart is decreasing its pace and is standing still for a moment, 

Seems it’s impossible to overcome such a terrible cold. 

Oh my love, why this cold and why are you feeling so lonely? 

Why are you closing your eyes, why don’t you believe? 

We often consider that heavens appear to be very cruel. 

But what if it’s not cruelty but just a door to the better? 

Stand up. I know that you can. And I know you remember, 

Nothing that’s given to us is beyond our strength. 

Look at the sunrise, you won’t let your head down now. 

I will warm up your sorrowful heart, my beloved one. 

I've Found

I've been always looking for you among thousands of faces,
I was never tired believing, calling and loving.
I was already loving you, lovely shadow in my soul.
I couldn't give it up and I was moving towards you.
The road was not easy - pain, hopes, anguish...
I've seen lots, they were not from our dream.
They didn't know what were depth and warmth.
One-day passion, cold calculations - but not love.
Or a pile of amenities and loud empty words.
Those short meetings taught me one thing:
Hoping for a miracle, being silent and forgetting -
I've never been such, I won't be and I don't think I should...
I didn't want much. Understanding of dreams,
Nobility and cordiality, and intimate simplicity.
To feel protection and to give all my love,
To forget the pain, to return strength again.
I was feeling lack of it - in people, in the world, in fate.
I was making mistakes. But I was searching.
And I've found everything in you.

Russian original:

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All About You

What's being alone?
It's torn peace,
Feelings rushing like insane river,
That's not me,
That's over-me,
Storm and lightnings of a trapped day.


A sip of the sky,
Thousand of words,
But they're all soundless, like in some dream.
You also know
Those dreams.
We were born for each other.


How do you sing?
How do you live?
I will know that all. You'll also understand
How I feel so warm,
Silent and light
Only when you and me are a single whole.


To say something,
To be in time for something,
To hear and view something - 
All for you,
All about you, 
My song and my sun in this uneasy fate.

This is only beginning...

This is only beginning.
Roads and wind.
Along silent railways
and under clouds.
Petty things have become
smaller and smaller...
Only sky is around,
and it's opened to us -
I know that now.
And we're inseparable,
like links of chain...
No, we're stronger.
We'll melt in embrace.
It's so tender and strong,
this interlacing of destiny
and living love.


Это только начало.
Дороги и ветер.
По замершим рельсам -
и под облака.
И мелкое стало
всё мельче и мельче...
Кругом только небо,
открытое нам -
теперь это знаю.
И мы неразрывны,
как звенья цепи...
Нет, мы крепче с тобой.
В объятьях растаем.
Так нежно и сильно
сплетенье судьбы...
и живая любовь.

***

From whom I’d get
the belief that everything will be all right?
Who would give me
carelessness and taste of simplicity?
Then I wouldn’t play
a boring hide-and-seek with my fate,
then I would read in the sky
where is the path leading to my dream.
My thoughts would be light,
and I would disperse
the heavy clouds of grief
with just a broad and funny smile,
I would tie tiny knots 
(to remember something important),
I would fold the edges
of my diary pages.
I need to see things
which scattered sparks of joy,
and I need to see things
which are poisoned by pain of losses,
I need to go far 
to find something that’s close.
Only children are given this facility
to accept, believe and know - without being complicated.

Soch zara jaan-e-jaan…

"Tu khush hai to lage ke jahan mein chhayee hai khushi...”
Don’t be sad dear, please smile now.

“Sun to zara madhosh hawa tujhse kehne lagi…”

“…woh jo bichhadte hain ek na ek din phir mil jaate hain".
That’s how your voice joined us together within a minute.
If not that, then no strength would left to hold on.
I can hear you like from a faraway universe, but still
These moments are dearest to me now.
It seems like you’re here and you’re coming close,
You’ll sit next to me and you’ll take my hand gently.
This reality is like a dream, a craziness,
A delicate storm. My full moon is sweet and sonorous.
Yes, moonrays in the sky sounded like strings,
Delivering your words to me in this silent night.

Fairytale Of My Life

My verse written today

Maybe the fairytale of all my life is not over yet.
It woke up from a magic dream after winter,
It's filled with sounds of fear and joy, laughter and pain,
Shimmering, it's waiting for me, calling me to follow it.
Carefully I'm carrying the hidden Jewel of Seeing
Which is a small part of the Dragon's treasure in Dream Mines.
Fluttering, I'm waiting for regaining my sight.
You'll be the first one whom I will see.
You'll be the first flight above severe ancient mountains,
You'll be the quiet song above fast river,
The most joyful and the best legend on Earth,
The thought which doesn't know what rest is.
It's so strange that the treasure is there behind my back
And I'm keeping only one jewel.
Yes, the beast has scorched and blinded me.
But I'll find you and I'll see you. I will.

Miles

Somebody says: distance matters. For someone distance is nonsence. Two very lonely and very brave people will always find each other.

But it may be not hearty enough. Bounds broke by miles. Distance kills even eternity, or I’d rather say, it kills vows about eternity of love.

And it can be something that one can’t overcome. Some obstacles which can’t be destroyed. Then you’ll have to be merciless and consciously kill your love.

How nice it is living without someone’s voice and someone’s glance… And I even won’t make up my mind to mix sweet aroma of avocado and bitter aroma of a field cornflower.

Mystery

Everything’s mystery now.
I only wait for one answer:
was he the only one...
and I won’t have anyone else?
Will serene happiness
shine in cloudy height,
I wish I knew exactly...

Dying of whisper
that unbelievably sounds like a cry,
of self-hatred,
of emptiness and weakness for an instant,
of desperate grief -
I want to see the future.
Everything’s mystery now...

My verse about This World

 

This world is a great enigma to me.
Just like a school task with two unknowns.
A wrinkle between a wiseman's eyebrows,
And like the Mariana Trench abyss.
This world is of dark-blue colour to me,
The same as the very heart of the Universe.
In eternal dispute of Light and Darkness
It's like a manuscript which is immortal,
Wisdom that hasn't disappeared in fires.
There are happiness, tears of grief,
Child's innosence, old man's experience, 
Our fathers' thoughts, our mothers' love.
Wars and misfortunes shake this world,
And every continent suffers from pain.
Is absolute happiness what we deserve?
And what's our life role we've got to play?
To be pathfinders perceiving the truth,
To light up these skies with a brand-new star?
Are we to live fast or to burn ourselves
Like our ancestors in the flow of times?
Memory moves this world which remains
Young and ancient like Death and Life.
And here a human's soul is so restless,
As it wants to break free flying up to the sky.
Rage of storms and serene moonlight, 
Your soul aspires to unite them both
In this cruel and paradise-beautiful world
Where life's full of pain - full of joy - and so bright.

 

(translated from my Russian verse written in 2006, very close to the sense and rhythm of the original)